Home > Advice > Is it typical for a individual that gets to be disabled to also turn out to be swift tempered/mean to people they really like?

Is it typical for a individual that gets to be disabled to also turn out to be swift tempered/mean to people they really like?

July 26th, 2013

Question by sattice: Is it common for a person that gets disabled to also grow to be quick tempered/mean to those they love?

Somebody that has just lately turn into disabled-is now really rapid to anger and bossy/imply to family members. Why is this and what can we do to assist?

Greatest reply:

Answer by PlainJane
dealing with a disability can make a particular person angry at himself or at the circumstance simply because of the modifications to their existence. if they are no longer able to be independent, they can knowledge feelings of depression & reduced self esteem. the alter in mindset to loved ones members can be their way of acting out due to the disability. if it is attainable, touch base with the medical doctor concerned and tell him/her about the character adjustments you are seeing. also, if there is a support group for their certain disability, assist may possibly be found there, also.

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  1. dude
    July 26th, 2013 at 05:10 | #1

    Being in pain all the time is stressful. Some people just make bad patients.Loss of mobility is a huge concern for them. If they are open to it, therapy can work.

  2. Forever21
    July 26th, 2013 at 05:34 | #2

    yes being disabled can be frustrating especially if u havent never been till now

  3. Pearl L
    July 26th, 2013 at 06:29 | #3

    you can put them on meds to calm them down, theyre probably angry about their disability

  4. jobees
    July 26th, 2013 at 07:12 | #4

    it depend on what kind of disability he has. It could just be adjusting to his new disability or maybe his brain was effect. you might need Specialist to help him. Maybe try a sport to help him change his audited to life.

  5. Blue
    July 26th, 2013 at 07:47 | #5

    The reasons the other responders stated are all good reasons for this to have happened. If a time period has been reached(physical disaiblity) where the person has had enough time to be taught skills to be independant as possible and is pain free there maybe other things to help.
    If due to a mental disability, they can behave in a varity of ways depending on if they have been on their medicine long enough, correct dosage, correct diagnosis, ,stress in general.

    If it is a physical disability with no pain, then the person may feel angy at many things. They may feel a lack of control over their lives because they can’t do what they did before. This may make them bossy towards others.
    They may feel angery that they are losing friends and feel avoided. A wheelchair may mean that there is no more of ‘simply’ hopping into a friends car and going to same places he/she enjoyed. They may also accidently catch those ‘looks’ of suprize or akwardness from the general public(the part that don’t discriminate). They may even catch the dirty looks and bad behavior of those that do discriminate(more people who do than what some might think).

    Helping him to lose the temper may involve helping him find friends who don’t care if he’s disabled. Finding ways to help him be more indepentant and feel more in controll of his life and his self. Learning how to handle akward social situations when others aren’t used to disabled and they themselves(the non-disabled)are unsure how to act.

    In short, it can be quite a blow to self esteem. They must realize their life is changed but certainly not over.

  6. Lynn
    July 26th, 2013 at 08:25 | #6

    It’s a big blow to the ego and sense of worth when you go from doing stuff most people do without even thinking about it to not being able to do even minor stuff. At first, It was a challenge. I knew the pain would go away (because pain “always” goes away and my doctors told me I was recovering from surgery.)

    To live around it became quite a challenge. I was working on the same project I had worked on before having that botched surgery. I was typing up a 14,000 name database for a customer, one piece of paper at a time. My computer was in the basement, where I took the 30-pound box with the addresses. After surgery, I couldn’t lift that box to give back to the customer, so I brought up a handful of papers trip by trip. The pain got worse.

    Hubby was working, so it was my responsibility to keep the downstairs clean (can’t have customers coming into a mess) as well as the marketing and the actual work. The pain kept getting worse.

    I had to give up doing the work. Doctors told me they could give me nothing for the pain, because the pain might masked the medical test. The tests were scheduled 4-6 weeks away, and the pain doubled me over. (Literally. Try walking down the street with your head parallel to the sidewalk. lol) The downstairs couldn’t get cleaned. (Hubby worked full time, came home and made dinner, had to sooth my bruised ego, and make me feel like I was worth something. I felt worthless, unable even to do something so small as contribute to the family income. I was a drain to him.) One A$ $ WIPE doctor told me to “Grin and bear it.” (Poor kid. Middle-aged women can fluster kids. lol) I can read facial expressions. A couple others thought I was making it up or a hypochondriac. It wears on the ego, as the pain wears on the body.

    Doctors weren’t listening. I had already closed the business. One customer stiffed me for 1/7th of the bill. Bad enough, but that was when I couldn’t do it at all, so assigned it out for other businesses to do. That was $ 800 we didn’t have.

    I spent months face down in my bed. The only position that didn’t cause more pain. (And when I say, “face down” I mean my face into the mattress, because turning my head sideways wasn’t good enough.)

    Then I learned what totally useless meant. Until I figured out how to get the laundry down into the basement and into the dryer, hubby had to do, even that. Gone were the days when our house was always clean, surfaces dusted, vacuum used 1-2 times a week, and stuff kept in its place.

    Meanwhile, doctors kept staring at me as if they were coming up with a nice way to tell me that I was a suit short of a full deck. Nothing was wrong, because the tests came back negative. And, I wasn’t reading them wrong. They sent me to a psychologist, and then a psychiatrist, because, apparently, one can prescribe drugs while the other couldn’t. And prescribe they finally did. I kept a list of the drugs that didn’t work, just so I didn’t have to try them twice. I gave up with that list at 28 different kinds of drugs, once I found out they were prescribing off-label-use drugs, not because they read in a journal it was good for pain, but because sales reps told them it would work for anything. (One of two class action suits I participated in, just to end up being lost in the paperwork.)

    So, yeah. We get grumpy. The doctors don’t listen, there are no coworkers to yell at, and most friends leave, because we’re rather useless as friends. (What’s the use in spending time with friends, if the friend can’t do anything?) That brings it down to one last group – family. By this time, we assume everyone is walking out on us, so we might as well force the issue. (Only thing we have left to control.) Scary part? It works. We are able to scare family away permanently.

    Stick with the person. The anger is over eventually, and a new and improved person emerges. One well worth keeping in your life. Someone not so conceited anymore to think a worth of a person is strictly determined by how much she can do. Let her scream. React however you will – yell back, cry, do the silent treatment, whatever. And when the anger is over, go back and talk. That person wants someone willing to listen. That person wants you to stick by her. That person wants to know she is still a whole person even after the body/mind has partially given up. We’re mourning something. We’re mourning the life that was.

    Others say fill the person with drugs. Why? To avoid the mourning process? Drowning the death of healthy self in drugs isn’t the answer anymore than drugging someone because a family member has died. I’m living on drugs to keep the severe pain away. I don’t want to dull the mental pain away, because that motivates me to live again.

  7. Stephanie May
    July 26th, 2013 at 08:43 | #7

    The someone whom you mention is mourning the loss of his/her normal ability and the same time struggling to cope with the difficulties which came with the disability.There is no excuse for treating someone badly. I would say. “Don’t be so bossy!” and “that was a mean thing to say!”that sort of thing.Don’t reward bad behaviour from anyone-be they young or old,regardless of their I.Q. or what they can or can’t do. Focus on ability.
    If the disability is the result of an accident, they may well be thinking”why did I do that?” or they may be blaming someone else (justly or unjustly)
    The best thing that you can do to help is make sure that they keep with normal life as much as possible.Invite friends around so that they can all have a good old catch up.Get your disabled family member doing normal tasks as they normally would,even though it may take longer than it used to take.At no time snatch the task away from them and say “Here, I’ll do it!”Be there to listen where needed.

  8. Been There
    July 26th, 2013 at 09:18 | #8

    They are feeling emotional pain, and anger is the most-common way we try to hide our pain from ourselves.
    They are feeling helpless, and anger is the most-common way we try to feel powerful again.

    Mind you, anger doesn’t actually accomplish these things for us. And it is not good for us physically OR psychologically.

    What can you do to help?
    Be patient. Be kind, be supportive. Allow them to be angry.
    Anger is part of the bereavement process, and when our physical functioning “dies” we go through bereavement:
    Here is how you help someone dealing with bereavement:
    http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm

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