Hunting for some opinions!!!!?
Question by LA79: Hunting for some opinions!!!!?
It is been six months now given that my ex and I broke up following 10.five years in a typical law relationship. I caught him cheating on me with a 23yr old from perform, my ex will be 35yrs old in a month. This has been a nasty breakup, came out of nowhere, we had just bought our 1st home eight months prior which has developed a financial mess. Needless to say, I took it hard, I do miss him and want items could have been diverse. The day I caught him, I kicked him out and he moved in with her, they’ve been living together ever because.
Anyhow, he emailed me tonight and answered the “why” question I’ve been asking him for the last 6 months. His response as follows:
“Why. I do not actually know why. All I know is I could not carry on that romantic relationship any longer. It just went dry and one more 10 years of that I could not handle. I essential to take my existence back prior to it was as well late. I wish there could have been an simpler way but regrettably there wasn’t. I am deeply sorry for all the pain I have triggered and hopefully 1 day you can forgive me”
I guess I am a small disappointed to know that my ten.5yr romantic relationship ended simply because things became “dry” what a horrible and petty purpose and fully contradicts all the other emails he wrote saying that he will often be regretful, the effect of his actions get worse everyday, that this is not what he needed, he created a mistake, that he drinks every day to mask the discomfort…” How is drinking everyday finding your life back?!
He in no way communicated any dissatisfaction, who buys a property with someone eight months prior with a person they don’t want to be with?!! It would have been the perfect time to leave when we discussed taking this “step” in our romantic relationship. I think that he has to justify his actions somehow in his thoughts to alleviate the guilt, any reason will do. It is basically a rationalization for his selfish and deceitful actions. Also, what does he assume, that his relationship with this 23yr old will usually be in this “honeymoon” phase, relationships become mundane, especially right after ten.five many years, it requires effort. There weren’t any indicators and I imply that! I believed we had an remarkable partnership, we in no way fought, positive bickered the moment in awhile, but we did not have any severe issues.
I’d like to hear other people’s opinions. What do you think of his solution? Any opportunity of a reconciliation? Does he nonetheless care about me/us?
And also, what about his new romantic relationship? Moving in collectively so rapidly and becoming serious after a decade extended relationship?! Their relationship started with secrecy, lies and deceit, does one thing like this have the possible to last, also thinking about the 12yr age distinction?!
Very best solution:
Solution by M
you require to get off keeping count of points like it matters and just reside life 1 day at a time due to the fact yesterday is gone.
Know much better? Leave your personal solution in the comments!
ekto s
26 Oct, 2011
His new relationship will probably crash and burn. A younger woman is generally more sexy in the brain of the man, so he was weak and thought he deserved to try it. Any woman who breaks up a relationship is not moral anyway. He will get tired of her. At least you were faithful. Well, surprises happen. Don’t argue with him. If you want him back, just wait. He will more than likely come back, begging. Just leave him alone for now. Maybe something can be worked out. Don’t spend all your time apart from him, fighting with him. Just live your life and do what you need to do. He has injured you, but I don’t think your life together is over.
kellamnity
26 Oct, 2011
I’m really sorry that happened to you. In my opinion he’s being a selfish tool, he’s taking out his mid-life crisis on you and behaving like a big fat id. That being said, their relationship may and may not last. I recommend you not even concern yourself with it. I know the curiosity is huge, but I also know people who have divorced their wives and wound up with much younger women. Sometimes they get used by them, sure- but sometimes also they don’t care and stay together and marry. Knowing this will not help you get on with yourself and finding the better man to make you happy. Sorry again.
wingin it
26 Oct, 2011
in my opinion, his lying and cheating will come back to haunt him in some sort of fashion within his new relationship. for instance, if he behaves in any way that makes her suspicious, she’ll remember that he cheated and lied to you, could he do it to her?? also she’s 23. she has a lot of growing to do. chances are that this relationship will not last. and finally, unfortuntately his true character has emerged and his true intent for you has also emerged. you were there as a convenience and when he was forced to choose a direction he could not be forthright with you about his ambivalence. it’s easy for me to say do not reconcile with him because i’m not emotionally involved. but if you take all the emotions out of it – it would be easy for you to also see it that way. so trust your friends when they say don’t go back to him. he’s just a weak hearted person who couldn’t stand up for himself when he needed to and just pretty much ran away. let him go. things happen for a reason and if you have any faith in God atall, then know he is at work with you right now. let Him finish what he’s started. just let the next coupla days go by and see how you feel and what you think. you can give yourself some time. as for the house you two bought, personally i’d consult with a lawyer. if you live there and you pay the mortgage, then when you sell can you take all the proceeds? that’s what i would investigate. and for the future, NEVER buy a house if you arend’ married. bad mistake. good luck
Travis
26 Oct, 2011
Please understand I feel your pain I too am facing divorce. I was 23 and my wife was 39 when we met, she was married for 15 years and she was the one who left. I never had sex, was still a virgin until we got married earlier this year. Her divorce had been finalized for over a year before we met. We have a baby since I got her pregnant my first time and even that can’t keep us together, she went through a phase when she started talking to her ex and I caught her and told her sister and her sister confronted her without me needing to get involved and she appologized. She has had thoughts of going back, not so much now. I love her alot, but within 2 months of the marriage she told me she didn’t love me.. I was in denial for a long time believing it was all the hormones and her getting off of her Paxil for the baby and yes things got better when the baby was born but she’s been divorced and it’s so much easier for her to do it again on this short marriage as well and she’s so set in her ways I have lost all hope. We haven’t had sex for 3 months and she asked me to leave last August and she’s only being nice I think now is because I’m supporting her so she can take care of our baby since I can’t cause I work and go to school.
Do you have any kids together? My wife sometimes considers going back because she didn’t get any custody of her 2 prior kids… She did love him, in fact sometime I wish she’d just go back to him cause she really destroyed her kids life when she did and now she’s destroyin mine and my sons..
Hope
26 Oct, 2011
I am really sorry to hear all this, it would be really hard if your children are also there to witness the mess. However, if your relationship was dry, was not it his responsibility to improve it, or communicate his dissatisfaction to you. Solving this problem by running and having a relationship with much younger woman is an act of cowardice. I believe, he is facing mid-life crises in his mid thirties, that’s it. You or the relationship is not to be blamed.